Member-only story
At the breaking point?
How much can one person handle before they break?
Everyone has a breaking point. Only you know what that is. How can one make it past their breaking point without actually breaking? Does it just build more, and your break is harder than ever?
I want to break so bad. I can’t. I’m by myself with the kids while my husband is at work. I can’t break. I am honestly a little scared of C right now. He just had a bad rage fit. I got beat on like normal, but he started throwing things and breaking items. When I told him no to touching the broken glass, while I grabbed the broom he smashed his hand in it and then beat on me more.
I just want to cry. I am not okay. My 9 year old son is 113 pounds, and 50 inches tall, and strong as shit. I hate when he beats on me. The bruises and marks he leaves. It looks like a grown man had beat me. I shouldn’t be scared of my 9 year old.
I feel broken, empty, like a failure, and just all around like shit. I don’t know what to do or even how to bring myself out of this. I bottle up so much, and I am almost scared to just break down. I’m lost. I don’t know if I should push past this point of feeling like breaking or just let it happen. I’m scared that if I push through this and manage to hold it together, then the next time I feel like this, it will be 100 times worse than it will be if I do it now.
Knowing my child, that was only round 1. I am not looking forward to what the rest of my evening is going to be. I just got to try to hold this breakdown in and move past this. I just don’t know how much I can handle.
